Family at its Finest
by Zane Ecstacy
Summary: It's the story about how Haku goes to work for a day and leaves Zabusa with the three babies, Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura. Maybe later on a little chapter on Kakashi. ;   it should amuse you I hope.  1rst ch. done
1. Chapter 1 ZabusaXHaku

**Family at its finest**

* * *

><p>Warning: Swearing.<p>

* * *

><p>The scene opens on Zabusa in the kitchen ridiculously trying to cook with a pink frilly apron on. He gets more and more frustrated at the stove, he keeps moving the pan back and forth expecting food to come out <em>HOW THE HELL DOES HAKU DO IT! <em> He thinks.

"Wahhahahahhhhhh, Saskaayyyy gimme it baaaaaacck!" Poor little Sakura had just gotten her favorite doll stolen by the lil' scamp Sasuke.

_Why the hell do I humor Haku like this? I have to cook __and__ watch the babies! GAH!_ Zabu slammed the pot down in defeat and threw the box of Mac and Cheese he had in the pot in the microwave and cranked it up to five minutes. _That should work._

He walks into the living room to find Sakura bawling in the corner while Sasuke throws pencils at her doll. _Where's Naru- _"SAKE GEET ME OUTTA HEEEAAARRRR!" _There he is; how the hell did he get trapped under the couch?_ Zaabu looks at Sasuke to see his Kekkai flash as he reaches for another pencil. _Ugh, if he wasn't enough trouble._

Zabu picks up the couch and frees lil' Naruto while at the same time catching his collar as he tries to run maliciously at Sasuke. "LEMME AT EM LEMMEE AAATTT HIM!"

He grabs the doll and pencils from Sasuke and drops it all in his pink apron. Sasuke flashes Zabu a malicious look. _At least his Kekkai went away. __**Huff**_

He hands the doll to Sakura from his pocket, throws Naruto over one shoulder and Sasuke over the other; then without a word Zabu walks into the nap room and drops each baby in their crib. Immediately, they both scurry up to the bars and stare at each other across the room. Zabu flicks his fingers and a chakra barrier splits the room in half. _There, now they'll stop fighting and sleep. _ Zabu walks out and turns out the light on the way.

_Where the hell's Haku- __***BOOM***__ holy fuck did I really put a box of Mac and cheese in the fucking microwave? _Zabu runs into the kitchen to find Sakura poking a big puddle of orang-ish goop that seemed to of leaked from the burnt microwave.

"Holy sh-." Zabu stops himself just in time after seeing Sakura in the room.

"Boom?" Sakura asks with some the goop on her finger which conveniently was shoved in her mouth. Zabu pats her head, _they're annoying but so damn cute._

He walks over to the sink and fills up Sakura's sippy cup with water. He brings it over to Sakura, wipes off her finger with his apron, lifts her up and carries her into the nap room. Luckily, Naruto and Sasuke have fallen asleep against the bars, obviously still contemptuous toward each other.

Zabu puts the sleepy Sakura down in her crib. _It's so odd how Sakura falls asleep after drinking water, so odd._ Then just as Zabu was about to leave, Sakura whimpers, with concern he looks back.

"Ino, Iinnnnnoooooo!" She wails.

"Shhhhh!" Zabu says quietly. _Her doll? Crap where is it?_ He walks into the living room: not there. _Ohgodno- __the kitchen._He walks into the kitchen to discover Ino the doll half submerged in goop. Zabu yanks the doll out and uses chakra to separate the cheese from the doll. _I am never cooking again, ever._

He walks back into the nap room to find Sakura silently sobbing over Ino. He drops the doll into the crib and wipes away her tears.

"_Shhhhhh."_ He shushes her. She curls up around Ino and falls asleep. Content, Zabu walks into the jiving room and plops onto the couch. _How the hell does Haku like staying home? He goes to work for one day and I –an amazing ninja- can't run the house even that long. Oh Haku come back I miss you!_

Just then, Haku walks through the door in his little adorable business outfit.

"HAKU! I mean, hi hubby." Zabu exclaims but qualms his excitement.

Haku silently walks into the nap room as he loosens his tie, then into the kitchen, which makes Zabu cringe, and back into the living room.

"Well it's a good thing that tomorrow Kakashi will be watching the kiddos!" Haku smiled slightly.

"We're both going to the same place tomorrow?" Replied Zabu.

"Yes, you're getting your wish" Smiled Haku.

3

* * *

><p>Foot notes:<p>

The last lines refer to how in the manga Zabu wanted to go to the same place as Haku, so yea.

_Want more?_

If people want a chapter two it would be about Kakashi and Jiraiya. But no spoilers :)

Comment if you want more :/


	2. Chapter 2 KakashiXJiraiya

Pairings: Kakashi X Jiraiya, Romantic, Sexual tention

There is an instance of slight stripping but well, I didn't describe it much so I am keeping the rating K+ ask if you want it changed

* * *

><p>"<em><span>Shit<span>_. I have a deadline!" Jiraiya swore and smashed his lapel down on the desk in anger.

"Jiha, there are **children** in this room!" Kakashi rebuked. Today was the Uncles' day to babsit the kiddies and everyone was 'hanging out' (Jiraiya's term) in the living room. Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke all sat in rapt attention at the Uncles' conversation. Uncle Jiha and Kashi can be so silly.

"UF! I have written nothing useful, drawn nothing useful, and just UGH**_ #&*#$#%^&$_**!" Jiraiya mumbled under his breath while he flipped open his lapel and strew papers & books allover the floor.  
>"You're hopeless." Kashi smirked and shook his head, mockingly.<em> Jiha can be such a baka some times<em>. Naruto broke his intense concentration on Kashi's odd hair to crawl over to one of the books on the floor and flipped it open upside down. Sasuke, not wanting to be upstaged, super-crawled over too, stole a book and began looking at a book too. Sakura, on the other hand, stands up and waddles over to the desk; just tall enough to pop her head over the edge she watches Uncle Jiha scribble and swear furiously as he tries to begin his book Icha Icha : Konichiwa.

"_"Look at uncie jiha he so funny he write bad and make bad noises under breath"_" She would say if toddlers could speak. **/kakashi slaps self/**_ Why do I talk to myself so silly_? He chastises himself.  
>Looking back at the babies he see's that the 'rivals' haven't moved an inch and Sakura was still busy staring at Jiha.<br>_ I guess I should get them away from the smut and put them down for a nap_, thought Kashi. He wals over and wrestles the books out of Sasuke's and Naruto's hands. The little rascals really like the weird pink-shape picture books. Quite a lot.

Sakura, the good child, smiled and didn't resist getting picked up by Uncle Kashi **/Little did Kakashi know Sakura had heedn some choice sketch papers in her diaper for ripping up later for fun/** And so Kakashi leaves the room holding 3 babies in his arms.

_ They're so small and adorable_, sighs Jiraiya.  
>"This book is<span> never<span> going to get finished." Jiraiya says sullenly. Looking down at his absent minded doodles for Icha Icha: Konichiwa (Make Out: Hello) he comes to an alarming discovery.  
>"Oh, Fuck." Exclaims Jiraiya. I've been drawing <strong>naked<strong> Kakashi this entire time, naked girls** that look like** Kakashi, and just ugh **naked** KAKASHI. Still a little disgruntled, Jiraiya admires his work.  
><em> His shoulders are so broad, and his abs; Fuck I'm already drooling<em>... thinks Jiraiya as he slowly drops into a stupor of his beautiful boyfriend's body. Which could only be cut short by-  
>"You missed a mole." Kakashi chuckling over his shoulder, pointing at where it should be. Jiraiya snaps back to the present, with Kakashi so close to him he could feel his sexy body heat.<br>"Oh? I've never seen _that_ mole before." Flirts Jiraiya coyly, as his cheeks flush slightly.

"Really? Well, why don't_ I show you_..." Kashi whispers smoothly, slowly undressing to reveal his delectable body... Jiraiya's thoughts momentarily drift form this one man strip show and reaches out to stop Kakashi, very reluctantly.

"Kashi... T-T-there's... uh... there's kids in the r-room." Whispers Jiraiya, as his cheeks become completely flushed from lust.  
>"<em><strong>Baka<strong>_! They're taking a nap." Hushes Kashi. He makes Jiha stand, and grasps him tightly. Then, with reckless abandon of thought, and only passion, Jiha rushes forward and locks lips with his sex-god. Kashi breaks the bond after a few minutes to tug Jiha suggestively by the shirt to the bedroom. They stumble through the door, messily kissing and giggling. They get undressed and fall into bed, and well, you can use your imagination to figure out what goes on next...

* * *

><p>To Be Continued<p>

Comments are very appreciated


End file.
